i didnt go to work today..and i really can't pinpoint the reason..i just didnt feel like gg to work..
at times, i really feel there is something seriously wrong with me..at times i will lose interest in everything and at times, i can so motivated and energetic, even i surprise myself
the past 2 weeks have been draining..my mum has been suffering from heartburn and i have had to walk Rio in the mornings and evenings and have found myself more tired as the weeks wore on..as a result of meeting her for dinner more often during the week, i find myself reaching home later and as a result slept later coz i wld need to walk Rio and bathe b4 heading for bed..
sometimes i feel so frustrated that my mum isn't well..not coz it's her fault but i dunno how to help her and wish she cld help herself and not be so dependent on me for certain things..
and i never really understood the meaning of having a better-paying job..coz during the yrs i only took them on coz i needed to pay the bills at home and had to carry that on my shoulders..very often, i envy pple with siblings coz at least they can share happiness and problems with each other..financials aside
i look at friends ard me who are also from only-child families and they don't seem to face the same probs as me..i wish my mum was healthier so i needn;t always worry abt her and feel obligated towards all the time..i feel suffocated..i wanna spend time with my friends and time for myself..w/o having so much worries on my mind
i feel so tired sometimes..really so tired..i wish it cld be as easy as just dropping everything here and leave..to live somewhere else..hv a new life
so i have come to realise the importance of health..and if u dun have health, u better dun have just 1 child..coz it's so unfair to let the child carry the burden alone of having to care for u..and if u really have to have just 1 child, u better pray that she/he finds a dependable life partner who can share his/her burden
i wonder why, it's so difficult to live ur dreams sometimes..i just wanna find someone who can be with me and share my worries and happiness..but it just seems so far-off..i wish so much to have a family of my own, stay home and take care of my husband, kids and my dog..
i want so much to just drop everything here and start a new life but of coz that is not possible coz my mum will be alone and i will labelled unfilial isnt it..i have never felt caring and taking care of my mum a huge burden..but u know it just falls on me that i have to stay by her side and even worse so when she is not well, i dunno how to help her..i feel like running away
whenever my mum wanna travel, and my schedule cant accommodate, i feel so bad and guilty..there;'s like so much obligation..it kills
my friends can just take off for holidays or accept overseas assignments so easily..but sometimes, i feel so tied down..my wings are clipped..
i miss my student life in aust so much..no worries..left everything behind in singapore for 1.5 years
i miss my dad..it's so unfair he was taken from me so soon..
i just feel so so tired..i really feel so tired..
