Sian..

i didnt go to work today..and i really can't pinpoint the reason..i just didnt feel like gg to work..

at times, i really feel there is something seriously wrong with me..at times i will lose interest in everything and at times, i can so motivated and energetic, even i surprise myself

the past 2 weeks have been draining..my mum has been suffering from heartburn and i have had to walk Rio in the mornings and evenings and have found myself more tired as the weeks wore on..as a result of meeting her for dinner more often during the week, i find myself reaching home later and as a result slept later coz i wld need to walk Rio and bathe b4 heading for bed..

sometimes i feel so frustrated that my mum isn't well..not coz it's her fault but i dunno how to help her and wish she cld help herself and not be so dependent on me for certain things..

and i never really understood the meaning of having a better-paying job..coz during the yrs i only took them on coz i needed to pay the bills at home and had to carry that on my shoulders..very often, i envy pple with siblings coz at least they can share happiness and problems with each other..financials aside

i look at friends ard me who are also from only-child families and they don't seem to face the same probs as me..i wish my mum was healthier so i needn;t always worry abt her and feel obligated towards all the time..i feel suffocated..i wanna spend time with my friends and time for myself..w/o having so much worries on my mind

i feel so tired sometimes..really so tired..i wish it cld be as easy as just dropping everything here and leave..to live somewhere else..hv a new life

so i have come to realise the importance of health..and if u dun have health, u better dun have just 1 child..coz it's so unfair to let the child carry the burden alone of having to care for u..and if u really have to have just 1 child, u better pray that she/he finds a dependable life partner who can share his/her burden

i wonder why, it's so difficult to live ur dreams sometimes..i just wanna find someone who can be with me and share my worries and happiness..but it just seems so far-off..i wish so much to have a family of my own, stay home and take care of my husband, kids and my dog..

i want so much to just drop everything here and start a new life but of coz that is not possible coz my mum will be alone and i will labelled unfilial isnt it..i have never felt caring and taking care of my mum a huge burden..but u know it just falls on me that i have to stay by her side and even worse so when she is not well, i dunno how to help her..i feel like running away

whenever my mum wanna travel, and my schedule cant accommodate, i feel so bad and guilty..there;'s like so much obligation..it kills

my friends can just take off for holidays or accept overseas assignments so easily..but sometimes, i feel so tied down..my wings are clipped..

i miss my student life in aust so much..no worries..left everything behind in singapore for 1.5 years

i miss my dad..it's so unfair he was taken from me so soon..

i just feel so so tired..i really feel so tired..

i am now in the office, waiting for the ATP class to end before i pack up and go home! Part of my portfolio is to run this ATP course where it runs for approx 9 mths. usually there shld be a part-timer who will stay back for this purpose but it's fasting month so i am covering for this month.

tomorrow and fri, i will be attending tax classes to have a feel of what the classes are like..

hmm..somehow this job scope now is pretty messy..everything seems to involve me..it does sound bad eh...but i am still pretty optimistic and this has caught me by surprise actually..

know, i was thinking abt this the other day..felt i shld adopt a different mindset..i was much more tolerant and resilient before and i was always optimistic even in the face of difficulties..but i seem to have lost that over the years..

i prob lost that when many unhappy events happened to me..i just seem to have lost the confidence and will to stay strong..

when i started this job, i told myself i hve to try and make things work..i have to..

i was using my thumbdrive earlier and i came across this folder which contained photos of my papa..i miss him so much..he had always been my pillar of strength..whenever i had problems or felt unhappy..my dad always had this calming effect on me..i didnt need to tell him anything..just being near him, i felt safe and protected

and just half hour ago, i went to Wendy's blog and found out she's managing pretty well over in australia..kinda miss her..though we didnt talk as much as b4 but she will always be close to my heart..her kids have kept her busy over the past few years but whenever she cld spare the time, she wld call and chat with me..now that she is re-locating to aust for some time..i am gonna miss hanging out with her..

@work

i am not at work..and struggling to keep my eyes open! i rarely..n i mean RARELY drink coffee on the job..the last time it happened, was more than 3yrs ago!

i HAD to get a cup of latte from Spinelli's near my office during lunchtime..i can feel my eyes staying open naturally now..

dunno whats wrong with me..am now in a new job..but yet, still dun feel satisfied..mayb i have had a taste of whats it like not to work..and i LOVED every min of it! i cld have time to do so many things i hadnt had the chance to when i am working - like jewellery-making, catching up with pals, shopping, getting on the internet, uploading songs to my mobile, arranging my ipod, playing with my dog..so many stuff!!

everytime i look up from my workdesk, i will see this quilted owl staring down at me from the wall facing me..looks kinda cute though..wish my eyes cld stay as wide open as his!

Birthdays

my mum and my birthdays fall in August..and i came to know my mum's close friend, Aunty Alice's also falls in aug - 25th :)

birthdays are meant to be special eh...but last and tis yr..didnt really have the mood to celebrate..anyways..my mum's was spent with my aunt..aunty justina and my mum at the Japanes restaurant in Central Mall.. i ordered flowers online and had it delivered to my mum hehe

for mine..we had buffet lunch with my aunty esther and grandma :)

had it at Park Royal Hotel at Beach Road

Super Hot Sunday!

yesterday, i went to Parkway Parade with my mum..it has been such a long time since i went there with my mum..it used to be a weekly Sunday affair for my parents and me to have dinner at Parkway Thai Restaurant, which was my dad's favourite..

i had received an sms from Isetan..and i may have mis-read the sms..i tot it said Isetan was having a closing down sale and up to 70% off :p opps..dun sue me Isetan..haha..my mum went there with a list of things to get, only to find out that i may have misunderstood the sms..but i had deleted it..haha..so no way of finding out..

anyhow, my mum still managed to get some good buys (she always does!), while i tried to shop for some work clothes..got this top from Glitter Glam..which i really like! my mum was the one who pointed it out to me..nice job, Mummmy!

we then had dinner at Central..pls see photos for our food..haha..mum had fish fillet cheese baked rice and i had the pork chop rice

bumped into my ex-colleague, Katherine and her family..and the first time i saw her daughter Khloe! had really thick hair and super friendly! :)

speaking of food..gotta go prepare my lunch! getting hungry!

haze looks pretty bad today..i was coughing a lot just now..it threatened to rain just now..kinda cool but it's beginning to feel warm now..Rio's sleeping like a log still haha